What is the significance of the temple? How can we better appreciate it?

In the LDS Church, we are encouraged to attend the temple regularly. Inside the temple we are given gospel instruction and teachings that are meant to empower us and commit our lives more to God. I have always lived just minutes away from an LDS temple, and I recently found myself disengaged from the beauty and meaning of the temple. I decided to study why the temple is so essential, and why it is important in my life specifically.

I am a very disciplined person, and I like consistency. I have always been a weekly temple-goer, but recently it started to become monotonous and inconvenient. My sister, knowing that I live by a strict schedule, encouraged me to choose one activity I regularly do each week, and replace that with the temple. I decided to replace one of my gym days with the temple--doing this has helped me to make temple attendance a regular and expected part of my week, when I know exactly what day and time it will happen.


Why do we build temples?

LDS.org tells us: "From the days of the Old Testament, the Lord has commanded His people to build temples-sacred structures where He could teach, guide, and bless them. For example, the Lord told the Israelites to build a portable tabernacle that would be their temple while they traveled in the wilderness (see Exodus 26-27; 40:35). Additional Old Testament references to temples are found in 2 Chronicles 5:1-14; 7:1-2 (Temple of Solomon) and Ezra 3:1-13; 6:3 (Temple of Zerubbabel).

"When Jesus Christ was on the earth, the only existing temple was known as the Temple of Herod. Jesus was often found in this temple (see, for example, Luke 2:40-49; Matthew 21:10-14).

"After the rejection and deaths of Jesus's Apostles, there were no temples on the earth for many centuries. When the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored in the early 1800s, the Lord again commanded His people to build temples (see D&C 88:119; see also section 95). The earliest temples of the restored Church were built in Ohio, Illinois, and eventually in Utah. Today, the Church has 150 operating temples around the world. Regardless of the place or time period, temples are the most sacred place on earth--a place where earth and heaven meet and where we feel close to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

President Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of the LDS Church, taught, "Temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are sacred structures in which eternal questions are answered."

In temples we most often talk about the work we do for the dead, but what about the living who attend? What are the benefits of attending the temple regularly?

In 1993, Elder Dean L. Larsen of the presidency of the Quorum of the 70 taught, "There is [an] aspect of temple activity that has great importance for living members. I refer not only to the ordinances performed for the living but as well to the spiritually uplifting, strengthening influence in individual lives that results from regular temple attendance.

"In a world that is ripening in iniquity (see D&C 18:6), members of the Church face the challenge of sustaining a pattern of obedience to gospel principles that will result in their being increasingly different from the general behavioral trends of the world. This will require all of the spiritual reinforcement that can be drawn upon. Prayer, scripture study, participation in worship services, and the giving of service will become increasingly essential. The influence of the temple will be important as a part of this spiritual undergirding. . . .

"President Ezra Taft Benson has affirmed: 'Many parents, in and out of the Church, are concerned about protection against a cascading avalanche of wickedness which threatens to engulf [the world]. … There is a power associated with ordinances of heaven—even the power of godliness—which can and will thwart the forces of evil if we will but be worthy of those sacred [covenants made in the temple of the Lord]. … Our families will be protected, our children will be safeguarded as we live the gospel, visit the temple, and live close to the Lord.” (Atlanta Georgia Temple Cornerstone Laying, 1 June 1983.)

"Elder Boyd K. Packer has said, 'Our labors in the temple cover us with a shield and a protection, both individually and as a people.' (Boyd K. Packer, The Holy Temple, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1980, p. 265.) He has also added: 'The Lord will bless us as we attend to the sacred ordinance work of the temples. Blessings there will not be limited to our temple service. We will be blessed in all of our affairs. We will be eligible to have the Lord take an interest in our affairs both spiritual and temporal.' (Ibid., p. 182.)

"In an address to the regional representatives of the Church on 6 April 1984, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, 'I am satisfied that if our people would attend the temple more, there would be less of selfishness in their lives. There would be less of absence of love in their relationships. There would be more of fidelity on the part of husbands and wives. There would be more of love and peace and happiness in the homes of our people.' (Regional Representatives’ Seminar, 6 Apr. 1984.)

"These are remarkable promises made by the Lord’s chosen servants to his people. Those who attend the temple regularly can attest to their validity. There is a definite connection between qualifying for the protecting and preserving powers of the Lord and regular temple attendance. The reverse is also true. When one does not go to the temple regularly, he is more susceptible to the world’s influence.

"As we contemplate the challenge of living faithful, happy, fulfilling lives in the 'perilous times' spoken of by the Apostle Paul (see 2 Tim. 3:1), we must draw upon all of the spiritual powers available to us. The temple is a principal source for the renewal of these powers.

"Heavenly Father will not fail in his promises to us if we do all that we can do to keep open the conduit of spiritual strength that is available to us. The temple will play an increasingly important role in this regard.

"In performing temple work, we not only provide an essential service for those who have passed on without opportunity to receive the ordinances of celestial life, but we also expose ourselves regularly to a spiritually refining influence that counteracts the growing forces of evil so commonly encountered in the world today. This is not the least of the blessings that come from regular temple activity."

So spiritual upliftment, strength, protection, power, love, and peace are but part of the blessings we receive from attending the temple. That sounds pretty good to me.

Another incredible blessing of attending the temple is that in there we are taught the most pure, natural doctrines of marriage and family. In a world that is quickly becoming confused about the order of the family, temple ordinances "reorient us to the natural order of the universe." Hugh Nibley taught, "'The earth temple [is] in the middle of everything, … around which all heavenly motions revolve, the knot that ties earth and heaven together.' Thus, the temple has the power to etch God’s natural laws of marriage and family life into our hearts" (Elder Bruce C. Hafen, "Temples and the Natural Order of Marriage").


So why should the temple be important for me?

I've read in the scriptures that God has commanded His people to worship in temples since ancient times. When the Lord restored His Church through the Prophet Joseph Smith, He directed that temples once again be built. I was blessed to born into the Church, so I have felt the presence of God as I've attended the temple. Having temples on the earth is a witness of God’s love for me and all His children.

Everything in the temple testifies that God is my Father and that Jesus Christ is His Son and the Savior of the world. This knowledge is the foundation for my life.

For me, the temple is sacred. It is a peaceful place where I can go to worship God. It is unique from all other places in the world, a refuge. It is centered around the family unit so it reminds me that my family can be united forever and that we can be blessed through sacred gospel ordinances. It is also a place where I can feel closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and a place to seek direction concerning life’s challenges.

The temple gives me an opportunity to serve. In addition to receiving my own temple ordinances, I can receive ordinances on behalf of my ancestors and others who have died without the opportunity to receive them. (Baptism, confirmation, and every other ordinance necessary for salvation.)

The temple helps me to access the atonement. It can help me during times of trial, if I'm really striving to turn to God. All the things we're commanded to do in the temple enable us to better access the atonement.

In order to even qualify to enter the temple we must live up to a very high standard. My desire to go to the temple pushes me to live a more righteous life outside the temple.

The temple teaches me things that remind me of the true order of marriage and family, so I will not get confused about false teachings of the world. I will have a stronger marriage: I'll be a better wife, mother, sister, and daughter.


In April 2016 Elder Gary E. Stevenson of the Twelve Apostles taught about the keys of the priesthood. He emphasized temple attendance as an important way to "find the keys." The keys of the priesthood were restored by the prophet Elijah, and these keys "enable ordinances to take place in holy temples. Ordinances performed in these temples enable individuals and families to return to the presence of our heavenly parents."

An important part of going to the temple is researching our ancestors and findng names of those who never received temple ordinances. We have the opportunity to act as proxy in behalf of those who have died, to give them the chance to accept all the ordinances of the gospel and receive the full blessings of the priesthood. These keys allow families to be sealed together for eternity.

The temple is a place for us to receive knowledge and divine instruction from God. A temple dedicatory prayer in D&C 109 tells us:

13 And that all people who shall enter upon the threshold of the Lord’s house may feel thy power, and feel constrained to acknowledge that thou hast sanctified it, and that it is thy house, a place of thy holiness . . .

14 And do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house may be taught words of wisdom out of the best books, and that they may seek learning even by study, and also by faith, as thou hast said;

15 And that they may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost, and be organized according to thy laws, and be prepared to obtain every needful thing;

16 And that this house may be a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of glory and of God, even thy house;

17 That all the incomings of thy people, into this house, may be in the name of the Lord;

18 That all their outgoings from this house may be in the name of the Lord;

19 And that all their salutations may be in the name of the Lord, with holy hands, uplifted to the Most High;

20 And that no unclean thing shall be permitted to come into thy house to pollute it;

21 And when thy people transgress, any of them, they may speedily repent and return unto thee, and find favor in thy sight, and be restored to the blessings which thou hast ordained to be poured out upon those who shall reverence thee in thy house.

22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them;

23 And from this place they may bear exceedingly great and glorious tidings, in truth, unto the ends of the earth, that they may know that this is thy work, and that thou hast put forth thy hand, to fulfil that which thou hast spoken by the mouths of the prophets, concerning the last days.

24 We ask thee, Holy Father, to establish the people that shall worship, and honorably hold a name and standing in this thy house, to all generations and for eternity;

25 That no weapon formed against them shall prosper; that he who diggeth a pit for them shall fall into the same himself;

26 That no combination of wickedness shall have power to rise up and prevail over thy people upon whom thy name shall be put in this house;

. . . 5 That the Son of Man might have a place to manifest himself to his people.


My closing thoughts...

Two verses that I think capture a significant lesson relating to the temple come from the story of Nephi building a ship in the Book of Mormon:

"Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore, it was not after the manner of men.

"And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things" (1 Nephi 18:2-3).

To me, these verses are symbolic of the way we should live our lives in order to be worthy of the temple and receive divine revelation from the Lord. As we "work the timbers" or live our lives in the manner of the Lord, He will direct us in ways different than the "manner of men." Oftentimes in the scriptures the "mount" represents the temple--many prophets have gone to the mountains to pray and be with God, and they have come back changed or with new direction. As we go "into the mount" or into the temple oft, and "pray oft unto the Lord," He will show unto us "great things."

In 1992 April general conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley referenced Paul's description of Latter-day Saints as "a peculiar people." He said, "If the world continues its present trend, and if you walk in obedience to the doctrines and principles of this church, you may become even more peculiar in the eyes of others." Members of the Church are taught divine values based on the teachings of Jesus Christ, and these teachings constitute "a code of ethics, a code of values, a code of divine doctrine" which Latter-day Saints are expected to live by. Pres. Hinckley promised, "If you will shape your lives according to their pattern, I do not hesitate to promise that you will know much of peace and happiness, of growth and achievement. . . . I challenge you to rise above the sordid elements of the world about you."

The temple is a refuge that allows us to "rise above" the world. As we live the values we are taught, we prepare ourselves to enter the house of the Lord where we are instructed further. And, most importantly of all, temples all around the world are preparing the world for the Second Coming of our Savior Jesus Christ: "And even so I have sent mine everlasting covenant into the world, to be a light to the world, and to be a standard for my people, and for the Gentiles to seek to it, and to be a messenger before my face to prepare the way before me" (D&C 45:9).

What is the holy order of matrimony that is referred to when we enter into the marriage covenant?

This phrase, "holy order of matrimony," has come up many times in my study of the covenant of marriage. A simple definition of matrimony is "the state or ceremony of being married; marriage."

The Catholic Church Code of Canon Law (Canon 1055) says, "The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring." The root matr- comes from the Latin word mater which means "mother," and the suffix -mony refers to "a state of being, a function, or a role." The full word matrimony describes the state that makes a woman a mother, highlighting the central role of reproduction and childbearing in marriage. (See https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-matrimony-542851)

In the LDS Church, the covenant of marriage includes more that just the relationship between the man and the woman. The focal point of marriage is the Atonement of Jesus Christ, as illustrated in the story of Adam and Eve. Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a former member of the Quorum of the 70, explained it this way: "The temple’s primal story is quite consciously the story of a married couple who help one another face continuous mortal opposition. For only in confronting that sometimes-miserable opposition could they learn to comprehend true joy. . . . Because of the Atonement, we can learn from our experiences without being condemned by them. And receiving the Atonement, as Adam and Eve did, is not just a doctrine about erasing black marks; it is the core doctrine that allows human development. Thus, Christ’s sacrifice didn’t just return them to an Eden of innocence. That would be a story with no plot and no character growth. Rather, they left the garden holding on to each other and moving forward, together, into the world in which we now live."

So this holy order of matrimony includes a covenant with our Savior Jesus Christ so that we can utilize his atonement to magnify the husband-wife relationship and receive the strength of the Lord. The beauty of the temple of the Lord is that it reorients us to the truth, or "the natural order of the universe, including the natural order of marriage. Like the ancient mariner, we look to the heavens to get our bearings--and we do that through the temple."

When we enter into the marriage covenant, we are also promised that we will receive the same blessings promised to the prophet Abraham. Elder Bruce R. McConkie stated, "This is the occasion when the promises of eternal increase are made, and it is then specified that those who keep the covenants made there shall be inheritors of all the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." (A New Witness for the Articles of Faith (1985), 508–509.)

I initially became curious about the "holy order of matrimony" because the same promise is given to those that are dead when their ordinances are performed in modern LDS temples. Those who did not have a chance to be sealed in the covenant of marriage in this life can be sealed vicariously in temples. Elder McConkie said, "The promises are the provisions of the Abrahamic covenant whereby the seed of the ancient patriarchs are entitled to receive the priesthood, the gospel, and eternal life (including celestial marriage). We are the children, and after we receive these blessings for ourselves, our attention turns almost by instinct to the well-being of our ancestors who died without a knowledge of the gospel. We are Abraham's seed, and they were Abraham's seed . . . through Jacob, and through the house of Israel. It thus becomes our privilege, on the basis of salvation for the dead, to search out our ancestors--to whom the same blessings have been promised as have come to us--and to make these blessings available to them through the vicarious ordinances of the house of the Lord." (A New Witness, 508–509.)

To summarize, in the beautiful words of Elder McConkie, "As the crowning cause for wonderment, that God who is no respecter of persons has given a like promise [to that of Abraham and Joseph Smith] to every [member] in the kingdom who has gone to the holy temple and entered into the blessed order of matrimony there performed. Every person married in the temple for time and for all eternity has sealed upon him, conditioned upon his faithfulness, all of the blessings of the ancient patriarchs, including the crowning promise and assurance of eternal increase, which means, literally, a posterity as numerous as the dust particles of the earth.” (The Millennial Messiah (1982), 264.)

The ordinances we receive in the temples of the Lord provide purpose and perspective for all the other gospel principles and ordinances. The sealing power and holy order of matrimony connect us with all of the Saints (past, present, and future), and ensure the continuation of all the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

How can we live the commandments without coming across as judgmental to others?

This is a question I have tried to understand for years and years. I have always held myself to a really high standard with my values, and it has been really difficult figuring out how to avoid being judgmental of others when they make choices I don't agree with. Since being married, I have learned a heck of a lot about how destructive it can be to assume things without knowing the whole story, or to negatively judge or criticize another's actions. Any of my judgmental comments have backfired, even if at the time they sounded "ok" in my head. My studies and application of this topic have really helped me to be more conscious of what I say and how I react to certain situations.

John Lund wrote an incredible book about relationships called For All Eternity. His advice is to go for 24 hours without making one critical comment. If you mess up, you have to start over. He said when he and his wife tried it for the first time, he would get so far, then he would get in the car and start criticizing other drivers without realizing it. He would have to start over. This is a big challenge for most, and something I've thought about trying with my own husband.


Matthew 7:1-5 tells us:

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

This concept is crucial. I can't count how many times I have, with the best intentions, "corrected" someone for something they did, without realizing I do the exact same thing!! It takes a lot of humility to look at ourselves first and accept the things we do wrong before criticizing everyone else around us.


I have associated with several people who expect their spouse to be perfect, and if the spouse doesn't meet the standard, the marriage doesn't last. It is really sad to me how many marriages fail today. I came across a beautiful passage of scriptures that is encouraging to any couple who may be struggling:

"And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" (1 Corinthians 7:13-14).

What a beautiful thing. Rather than running away from a spouse who is unbelieving or who maybe does things differently than what we might agree with, we can work together to be sanctified as a couple.


When Paul wrote to the Corinthians, he wrote about how he was successful in sharing the gospel with some. In 1 Corinthians 9:20-23 he said,

"And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;

To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law.

To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak; I am made all things to men, that I might by all means save some."

What an interesting concept. Paul put himself in the place of those he taught in order to understand them better so he could more effectively share the gospel. Christ did the same thing as He spent time with sinners. Other struggled to understand why the Son of God would associate with sinners, but He did it to give all men hope and faith in His ability to forgive and heal. He did not shun those who made wrong choices. He mingled with them and loved them. (See Matthew 9:10-13)


Moroni 6:1-4 illustrates the covenant we make when we are baptized to obey all of God's commandments. One requirement is that we have a broken heart and contrite spirits, that we are humble enough to recognize we are sinners and we must repent. Having this humility allows us to look inside our own hearts and not judge others because they "sin differently" than we do.

President Dieter F. Uchtorf, a member of the First Presidency of the LDS Church, spoke on the topic of judging others:

"When it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

"The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, said that those who pass judgment on others are 'inexcusable.' The moment we judge someone else, he explained, we condemn ourselves, for none is without sin.5 . . .

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!

"It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, 'Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.'

"We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed? . . .

"The more we allow the love of God to govern our minds and emotions—the more we allow our love for our Heavenly Father to swell within our hearts—the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade.

"As always, Christ is our exemplar. In His teachings as in His life, He showed us the way. He forgave the wicked, the vulgar, and those who sought to hurt and to do Him harm. . . .

"When our hearts are filled with the love of God, we become 'kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving [each other], even as God for Christ’s sake [forgave us].'11

"The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.

"My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:

Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?

Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?

Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?

Do you secretly envy another?

Do you wish to cause harm to someone?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!

"In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.'12

"Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment. We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way. Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way. . . .

"Lay your burden at the Savior’s feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ’s Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another. The merciful will obtain mercy."

Genesis 2:24 - How can a husband and wife "cleave" unto each other?

Genesis 2:24 tells us, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." What does it mean to "cleave"? I always like to start with definitions, and these were the best definitions I found: "to stick fast to," "to adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)," or "to become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached to (someone)." These definitions, I believe, help us to understand what it looks like to "cleave" unto a spouse.

Being recently married, I have thought a lot about what it means to "cleave" unto my husband. To "cleave" to him would mean to "adhere strongly" to our marriage, and to "become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached" to him. I want our marriage to the best best it can be, even when we have disagreements or miscommunications. Up to this point I have been able to feel close to my husband even when he's away for work, and I attribute that closeness to certain principles we have followed.

I found many discussions on the topic of "cleaving," so I will share the principles I found that I believe are some of the most important in creating a strong marriage. I will also share some of my personal insights and experiences in hopes that they might give a useful perspective.


In an Ensign article titled "The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood," President Spencer W. Kimball commented on Genesis 2:24:

"The woman occupies the first place [for her husband]. She is preeminent, even above the parents who are so dear to all of us. Even the children must take their proper but significant place.

"I have seen some women who give their children that spot, that preeminence, in their affection and crowd out the father. That is a serious mistake."

An article written by a BYU professor, James Harper, relates this Old Testament passage to our day:

"It is all too common in modern times for husbands and wives to place various people or activities--work, recreation, extended family, even Church service--above their marital bond. This is not necessarily a conscious decision. However, the covenant made by Adam and Eve to leave parents and be one teaches us that successful couples will be careful to place each other first. The greatest gift parents can give children is a united and loving marital bond."

I find it interesting that Bro. Harper includes parents in this topic. Although we cannot control how our parents handle our personal relationships, we can apply this principle to ourselves by giving our own children the freedom to prioritize their relationship with their husband or wife.

The article goes on to say, "Marriage is not just a social contract between man and woman; it involves God as well. God is a witness to all marriage agreements and insists that couples should be devoted and completely faithful to each other." I have always loved the image of a triangle, with the husband and wife on each bottom corner, and God at the top. As the man and woman individually come closer to God, they naturally come closer to each other.

A general conference report given by Spencer W. Kimball as one of the twelve apostles also illustrates the idea of placing the spouse over all else. He refers to D&C 42:22 which reads, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all they heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." He says, "There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts, and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. . . . When the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: 'Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shall cleave unto him and none else.' The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse. We sometimes find women who absorb and hover over the children at the expense of the husband, sometimes even estranging them from him. The Lord says to them: '. . . Thou shalt cleave unto him and none else.'

"Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or she gives self totally to the spouse: all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor, and affection with all dignity. Any divergence is sin—any sharing the heart is transgression. As we should have "an eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 4:5; D&C 82:19) so should we have an eye, an ear, a heart single to the marriage and the spouse and family."


Matthew Richardson, a leader in the LDS Church, wrote an article about "leaving, cleaving, and becoming one." He illustrates that "cleaving" means to save our treasured feelings for our spouse rather than sharing them with others.

To become one, "differences in communication patterns, reasoning, emotions, and even personal preferences may actually benefit a couple." I have seen this over and over again in my own marriage. Because I am often an emotional thinker, it is so helpful to have a husband who is more logical and can make decisions unemotionally. We both have very different interests--I love music, writing, and administrative work, and he loves guns, trucks, and manual labor. He is a great salesman and has a business-mindset, and I have neither of those skills. I tell him that I don't know how I ever lived without him because I lack all the skills and knowledge he has, and vice versa. We balance each other perfectly, but only when we accept our differences rather than fighting against them.

Another principle that Bro. Richardson teaches is to eliminate the "I" and "my" and replace those with "we" and "our." In our congregation, my husband and I used to teach Sunday School to 7 and 8-year-old children. After one of our lessons my husband asked me, "When you testify, will you use the word we instead of I? I think it is super important that the testimony comes from both of us, because that is so much more powerful, and it makes us more unified." I loved this idea and was grateful that he so respectfully recognized something we could improve. I have remembered this since and make efforts to use "we" language rather than "I" language.


Elder Carl B. Cook, another leader in the LDS Church, discussed ways we can cleave unto each other and unto God. He says that a husband and a wife who cleave unto each other are "the same" or equal. In the scriptures, we read about Adam and Eve and how they always worked together: "Adam began to till the earth . . . and Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him" (Moses 5:1).

Couples can work together by "[giving] highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities" (Handbook 2 Administering the Church 2010, 1.4.1). Bro. Cook says that "we must set aside, and turn away from things that distract us from our marriages and our families. We must simplify our lives, and give highest priority to basic worship activities in our homes. . . . We must spend time with those we love."

Bro. Cook says that "cleaving to each other requires faith, diligence, and persistence." I have known couples who have told me that sometimes they just "stop trying." "It's too much work," or "Sometime's it's just too tiring to do all those little things to keep our marriage strong." I have a firm testimony that by consistently doing the simple tasks that prophets have taught will keep our relationships strong, we will always feel close and connected and our love for each other will deepen. My goal is to avoid the alternative: simply not trying.

In James Harper's article referenced earlier in this post, Elder Marion G. Romney is cited as he discusses the phrase "and Eve ... did labor with [Adam]." He says, “The word with … is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotes a common purpose, understanding, cooperation, and love. . . .

"Even when circumstances justify a wife’s working away from home to support her family, she should be laboring ‘with,’ not on her own nor in conflict with her husband. . . .

"In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one." (Relief Society Magazine, Feb. 1968, pp. 85–86.)

The article concludes that "from what we know of the relationship between Adam and Eve . . . the executive council of husband and wife together is extremely important in the organization of families. Husbands and wives should counsel together in decisions related to communication and activities in the family, rearing and disciplining of children, food storage and other aspects of family welfare, finances, work and career decisions, family work responsibilities, housekeeping tasks, recreation, and all other decisions that affect their bond with each other."


Bro. Harper also addresses the importance of teaching children, and how a couple can do that in unity. "Ideally, as equals before God, deeply devoted and in love with each other, husband and wife [share] together one voice in the training of their children." Spiritual unity in a husband and wife companionship creates an environment for children to feel safe and at peace among the trials of the world.

In the Old Testament, families valued traditions and activities to maintain a strong family identity. Today, as we establish family traditions and participate in family activities, we can maintain strong ties within our immediate and extended families. As a husband and wife work to create a new family, they can work together to establish new traditions, maintain old ones, plan activities, and participate in other planned family activities. Keeping family time as a priority I believe helps to build a stronger connection between a husband and wife.

My husband and I both come from very large families. As a result, we are constantly being invited to birthday parties, dinners, baptisms, church events, holiday activities, and more. We have really strived to maintain balance in the amount of time we spend with each of our families. My husband is really good at knowing when enough is enough, and when we need to spend one-on-one time with each other. When we are able, we give time to each other's families in order to show our love and our commitment to family.


I love Bro. Harper's conclusion: ". . . Examples from the Old Testament help remind us of the importance of the family in Heavenly Father’s eternal plan. The experience of this earth’s first family teaches that marriage is not a social convention but is God-ordained as an eternal partnership. The example of religious and character development in ancient Hebrew families reminds modern parents of the necessity of training children in spiritual areas. The importance the Old Testament places on the extended family and its traditions guides us to seek modern family traditions that link the generations together. Such principles, taught in the Old Testament, can help families in our day forge loving, nurturing bonds to sustain them throughout eternity."


I know that working diligently to "cleave" unto a spouse is one of the most important things we can do in this life. Trials will come, we will make mistakes, we will be required to forgive, but ultimately it is up to us as a couple to work together in love and unity. If we do this, God guarantees that we will have a happy life. As Elder L. Whitney Clayton said, “The promises of the Lord . . . come as the delightful, predictable consequences of faithfully living the gospel of Jesus Christ” (L. Whitney Clayton, “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” Ensign, May 2013).