What is the difference between blessings and grace?

I listened to a podcast that changed the way I now think about blessings. (Podcast can be found here: Podcast #15: Let's Talk About Blessings July 16, 2019)

Susan Hinckley speaks about a lesson she taught in Sunday School based on Elder Dale G. Renlund's talk, "Abound with Blessings," given in April 2019.

***It is important to first of all recognize the definition of what it means to be "blessed." To be blessed is to be "made holy; consecrated."***

This definition is much different than our cultural definition of being blessed! We typically think of physical blessings, or things that are easy to see from the outside. But a blessing is not an event. It is independent of circumstance - it is an internal state, not an external one. We hear so much about "blessings" and tie those with circumstances or events--but God's blessings come when we learn to surrender control and feel an internal change through God's grace. We are made holy.

When we do specific actions to follow God's will, we often expect that He will bless us with safety. But life is so unpredictable and trials will happen that don't make sense and that leave us feeling confused and unsure and unstable--we sense that God has abandoned us!

To truly understand blessings, we realize we have to let go of the control aspect of receiving our blessings. We realize we really are not in control, and we don't have to do everything perfectly to receive blessings. We simply have to allow room for vulnerability and growth and unsurety.

In Elder Renlund's talk, he gave two lines that Sis. Hinckley really struggled to understand as she prepared for her lesson:

"Restored truth reveals that blessings are never earned, but faith-inspired actions on our part, both initial and ongoing, are essential."

"God has revealed that “there is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” That being said, you do not earn a blessing—that notion is false—but you do have to qualify for it."

So what is the difference between "earning" and "qualifying"?
We initially think we must do everything exactly right to get blessings from God. But to live for God's blessings doesn't mean to be perfect, it means to live with constant hope. Trusting, moving forward, allowing His grace to work in our lives, despite our imperfections. We let go of control and we open ourselves up to His grace. We seek more and ask more, instead of living such a pre-made structured life. We let go of all the ways we set up our lives to be and we allow room for growth and change and development.

Asking is for us, not for God. We ask so we are constantly seeking, so we are never comfortable.

So why are blessings usually synonymous with a "good/righteous life"?
So often we tie things that happen in our lives to "because I said my morning prayers" or "because I read my scriptures." This is a faulty expectation of how blessings really come. This is not to say doing those things does lead to good consequences, but we cannot tie all our actions to specific results, because we don't always know what God intends to bless us with.

It is easy to look at people who have a lot physically as "very blessed." Typically, though, those physical blessings that are so easy to look at are "as the world giveth." To really understand real blessings, we have to see past blessings "as the world giveth," but see them "as God giveth." As we accept the trials and imperfections of our lives, we see how God is sanctifying us and making us holy through that process. Blessings are not what we see, they go much deeper.

We have to be careful how we talk about blessings because they are intensely personal. A "blessing" that one person might receive is one that another person will not! We have to stop talking about them as external events and bring them internal!

There will always be things in our lives that we just don't know what to do with. Was God there, was He not there, where was He, why did He help this person find their car keys and then let my husband die from cancer, when were blessings tied to my actions and when did He simply give me grace despite my actions? This is where the question of grace comes in.

Probably one of the best ways I’ve heard grace described was this: “We do not earn grace... Its fruits are expressed in our righteousness.” (From The Temple by Ed J. Pinegar p. 57). 

Ed J. Pinegar's book The Temple explains grace as a power that comes from God to enable us to do good works. Acts 10:38 explains "How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him." Bro. Pinegar explains that “these scriptures surely demonstrate that our works follow our faith and conversion to Christ and that the good we do comes from God and the power He puts into us.” (p. 57) He continues, “Instead of being a checkoff list of things to do, the commandments become a joyful expression of the love of God, the empowerment of the atonement, and the grace of God in our lives. ... We not only obtain a hope in Christ, but Christ empowers us, perfects us, and becomes our strength, too, ‘for in his strength [we] can do all things’ (Alma 26:12).” (p. 58)

Sometimes we need a little extra push to even have a desire to do good. Philippians 2:13 says that “it is God which worketh in you both TO WILL and TO DO his good pleasure.” He works in us to give us even a desire to do good works--that is his grace! But we cannot recognize or be open to that grace if we never act in faith to draw ourselves closer to Him.

Bro. Pinegar discusses in his book how worshipping God endows us with His power to do good (see p. 55). We are enabled and empowered when we worship! Sometimes we need that power outside ourselves, even just to go out and serve. God's grace helps us WANT to do good.

Finally, an important reminder in the scriptures: "Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things." (Jacob 4:7)


As I've studied, this is how I have come to understand Grace versus Blessings:

• Grace is unconditional and applicable to existence and the world a whole. Blessings are typically much more personal and specific.
• When we're really struggling, we feel a need for more control and we feel like we need to "do" our way out of the situation. But the real answer is that we need to simply "OFFER IT UP." Sit still, be open, receive whatever it is we're supposed to be receiving, GIVE AWAY CONTROL, and allow grace. That is when the real blessings come.
• Things falling apart are really a form of testing and even healing. We think we are supposed to get through it and have more control, but we need to allow room for grief, misery, healing, joy, growth. That is the essence of blessings. ***That is when you are really living for your blessings--not doing more, but allowing more.***
• Allowing grace is not about DOING, it is about BEING. 

I often connect blessings with actions and think that I will only receive good things from God if I "do" all the right things. Dallin H. Oaks spoke in 2009 about "love versus law," and I think this quote beautifully captures the essence of the relationship between actions and obedience: "The love of God is so universal that His perfect plan bestows many gifts on all of His children, even those who disobey His laws. Mortality is one such gift, bestowed on all who qualified in the War in Heaven. Another unconditional gift is the universal resurrection: 'For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive' (1 Corinthians 15:22). Many other mortal gifts are not tied to our personal obedience to law. As Jesus taught, our Heavenly Father 'maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust' (Matthew 5:45).

"If only we will listen, we can know of God’s love and feel it, even when we are disobedient. A woman recently returned to Church activity gave this description in a sacrament meeting talk: 'He has always been there for me, even when I rejected Him. He has always guided me and comforted me with His tender mercies all around me, but I [was] too angry to see and accept incidents and feelings as such.'"

He continues to clarify:

"God’s choicest blessings are clearly contingent upon obedience to God’s laws and commandments. The key teaching is from modern revelation:

"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated” (D&C 130:20–21).

"This great principle helps us understand the why of many things, like justice and mercy balanced by the Atonement. It also explains why God will not forestall the exercise of agency by His children. Agency—our power to choose—is fundamental to the gospel plan that brings us to earth. God does not intervene to forestall the consequences of some persons’ choices in order to protect the well-being of other persons—even when they kill, injure, or oppress one another—for this would destroy His plan for our eternal progress. He will bless us to endure the consequences of others’ choices, but He will not prevent those choices."


I am sometimes internally guilted into doing good things because I feel like I will be "punished" otherwise, but my good works should simply be a reflection of my gratitude for God. He is really in charge, and without His grace we could do or be nothing. As I start focusing on ALLOWING more rather than DOING more I will naturally surrender my will to God's and recognize His hand more in my life. What a beautiful lesson!

2 Nephi 22 / Isaiah 12 - How can we better praise the Lord?

It is so easy to get caught up in our own lives and forget where we receive our daily strength. How can we remember to rely on the Lord for strength, and to praise Him daily?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines "praise" as "spoken or written words about the good qualities of someone or something; an expression of approval for someone or something; an expression of thanks to or love and respect for God." Praising involves expression--whether in speaking, writing, or singing. To praise means "to express a favorable judgment of," "to commend," or "to glorify."

God, as a perfect Being full of all goodness, love, and truth, does not need our praise or approval. Rather, our praising Him leads us to emulate Him and reflect His qualities of goodness. Our ultimate goal is to become like Him, and our praising Him only helps us to do so.

A few words and phrases in 2 Nephi 22 / Isaiah 12 give us an idea of actions we can take or attitudes we can hold to praise the Lord: "trust," "not be afraid," "joy," "call upon [God's] name," "declare his doings," "make mention that his name is exalted," "sing unto the Lord," and "cry and shout."

1. Trust
Footnote a in verse 2 takes us to Psalm 36:7, which reinforces the idea of trusting in the Lord. Verses 9-10 state, "For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light. O continue thy lovingkindness unto them that know thee; and thy righteousness to the upright in heart." These verses imply a responsibility on our part to obey God and follow Him. In order to truly praise Him, we must live our lives according to His will. As we follow His light, our lives will be filled with light; as we come to "know" Him, He will pour out blessings upon us. Mosiah 4:6-7 reinforces this crucial idea, that the way to receive salvation is to "come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering towards the children of men; and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world, that thereby salvation might come to him that should put his trust in the Lord, and should be diligent in keeping his commandments, and continue in faith even unto the end of his life."

2. Not be afraid
This is consistently a fitting topic in my life. My tendency is to anticipate events before they happen and to try to prepare for every step of the way, without always turning to God first and trusting in Him. I sometimes fear letting go of my own plans and submitting to God's will.

I love the contrast between the ideas of fear and praise. When I think of genuine praise, I think of joy, gratitude, and wonder. There is no fear included in true praise.

Ezra Taft Benson, in some of his teachings, discussed one characteristic that leads us to fear, and that is pride. When we fear men more than God we become prideful, and we are less likely to praise the One who is responsible for all our blessings. The proud who fear the judgments of those around them do not look up to God. When pride overtakes our hearts, "The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost" and "the reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God,"

"Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another?" The fear of God rather than men responds to "[God's] judgments and to the needs of those around us." This is humility and leads to true praise of the Holy One.

3. Joy
2 Nephi 22:3 says, "With joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation." Water here refers to the living water, or the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Joy. What a beautiful word. Joy is deeper than happiness, Happiness often depends on external circumstances and events, whereas joy is a much deeper internal feeling that is not dependent on external circumstances. In fact, joy can sometimes coincide with emotions other than happiness such as pain or sadness. Joy is a constant that comes when we are grounded in something bigger than ourselves.

I believe true joy comes when we trust in God. We can feel true joy when we consistently praise Our Father in Heaven. Because He is all-knowing and all-powerful and unconditionally loving, we can feel a constant peace and joy that is never destroyed by our circumstances. In fact, it only becomes stronger because we know in whom we trust. We are at peace with ourselves and with our relationship with God.

My grandfather is someone who is a prime example of living by joy. No matter the situation, he always seems to find deep meaning, and he is constantly in awe of life. It's amazing to me that that awe can come from someone who has already experienced so much of life, and could claim he knows everything. He finds himself learning everyday. He is a humble man with so much love and appreciation for life. I hope to someday show joy and love for the Lord the same way he does.

This is one of my favorite topics, because it is so deep and indescribable. I think of the birth of the Savior Jesus Christ and the joy that has brought to millions of people. I came across this simple poem that I think captures the moment of His birth beautifully:

Mary smiles softly.
Joseph kneels in awe.
Starlight points to glory
Within a lowly stall.

Angels sing His splendor.
Shepherds bow in joy.
Wise Men search together
To find the wondrous Boy.

The depth of our joy is dependent on our relationship with God. In a general conference talk by Elder Richard Maynes, he said, "The joy we experience in this life will be in direct proportion to how well our lives are centered on the teachings, example, and atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ."

Brigham Young asked: "Where is happiness, real happiness? Nowhere but in God. By possessing the spirit of our holy religion, we are happy in the morning, we are happy at noon, [and] we are happy in the evening. . . . Every Latter-day Saint, who has experienced the love of God in his heart, . . . realizes that he is filled with joy . . . happiness, and consolation."

In 2013, Linda K. Burton, the General Relief Society President, gave in a conference talk a specific example of what it means to joyfully keep our covenants, which is one of the most important ways to praise God: "One Sunday a young sister joyfully exclaimed, 'I get to take the sacrament today!' When was the last time we rejoiced in that privilege? And how do we demonstrate it? We do this by always remembering the Savior and always keeping His commandments, which include keeping His Sabbath day holy. We do it by always remembering Him as we always have our personal and family prayers, daily scripture study, and weekly family home evenings. And when we get distracted or casual with these important things, we repent and begin again."

4. Call upon God's name
To me, calling upon God's name is so simple yet something we often forget to do, especially when life is going well. We are quick to call upon God when we are struggling, but what about when we are grateful? When we simply want to praise God?

In 1974 N. Eldon Tanner, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, stated, "All men, whoever they are and wherever they may be, are invited to call upon [God] as their Father which art in heaven. What a glorious thing it is to realize and to know that we can go to our Heavenly Father without appointment, pour out our souls to him in all simplicity and faith, knowing that he is there and can and will hear and answer our prayers. We know that he is a living God who dwells in heaven, that we are his spirit children, and that his Son Jesus Christ has instructed us, regardless of who we are, to call upon God and to acknowledge him as our Father."

When I served as a full-time missionary in Indiana, I remember coming to a realization of how powerful prayer really was. I felt the Spirit more strongly and more often than I ever had before, and I attribute that to how often we prayed throughout the day. We prayed personally in the morning, we prayed before studying, we prayed before leaving the apartment for the day, we prayed before getting out of the car to teach a lesson, we prayed after each lesson, and we often prayed for gratitude after receiving answers to our prayers. The most powerful experiences came when we prayed with sincerity and really searched for answers to our prayers.

We are lucky to be able to speak to our Father in Heaven at any time. We don't need a mediator to take our pleas to God, but we can speak directly to Him as if we were making a telephone call. Joseph F. Smith, one of the former presidents of the LDS Church, taught, "No limit should be or can be set to the offering of prayer and the rendering of praise to the Giver of Good, for we are specially told to pray without ceasing, and no special authority of the Priesthood or standing in the Church is essential to the offering of prayer" (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. (1939), 205).

He taught that the home is the best place to offer prayer and praises unto God. If we make it a priority to pray and study the word of God together as families, we will be protected spiritually and brought closer together as a family. What better place to praise God and feel the Spirit than with our own families in our homes?

I like to imagine myself standing before my Father in Heaven having a face to face conversation with Him. My prayers become less rote and I feel like I'm truly talking to someone. I picture Him sitting on His throne listening to my gratitude and my questions patiently and lovingly, and then I like to wait and listen.

5. Declare His doings
I had the opportunity to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to individuals and families in Indiana for 18 months. I remember one instance about 6 months into my mission where I realized that I needed to be more bold in sharing my testimony of the gospel. I started sharing with people what I knew to be true, and that was that I knew that God lives, loves us, and is involved in the details of our lives. I shared with people the miracles of God's work on the earth today, that He had restored the gospel of Jesus Christ in its fulness through a modern prophet, just as in days of old. As I shared these things I received a regular witness through the Spirit that what I taught was good and true. I declared God's doings to people that I loved and saw their lives change for the better as a result.

As outlined by Elder John B. Dickson, a leader in the LDS Church, these are some of the "doings" of God throughout the time people have been on the earth

1. God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, have a plan of happiness for the human family.

2. Jesus Christ organized His Church during His mortal ministry (see Eph. 4:13).

3. The Church of Christ and many simple truths were lost (see 2 Thes. 2:3, Amos 8:11, 1 Cor. 11:18, and Acts 20:29).

4. The hearts of men and a location were prepared for a restoration of the gospel.

5. Latter-day events were anticipated by the prophets of old (see Isa. 29:14 and Acts 3:21).

6. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored in its fulness (through Joseph Smith in 1830--see Dan. 2:45).

7. Another witness of Christ has been given to our generation (the Book of Mormon).

8. The family can be eternal.

9. People (missionaries) have been called of God to teach the gospel.

10. You can know with assurance that these things are true. “And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things” (Moro. 10:3–5).

For me, the greatest news today is that the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ is on the earth. We have a living prophet of God who receives revelation for the people on the earth today, just as we did in times of old. As someone who grew up being taught this knowledge, I have always felt a responsibility to share it in order to show my gratitude to God.

D&C 19:29 states, "And thou shalt declare glad tidings, yea, publish it upon the mountains, and upon every high place, and among every people that thou shalt be permitted to see." The gospel is a message of hope, of "glad tidings!" "For we declare that God our Heavenly Father lives, that he hears and answers prayers, that Jesus is the Christ, and that he lives." The best news in the world.

Even if we do not go out and preach the gospel, we can share the gospel and praise God by the way we live. In October 1996 Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "A dictionary defines a Christian as 'one who professes belief in Jesus as the Christ or follows the religion based on [the life and teachings of Jesus],' and 'one who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.' (See American Heritage Dictionary (1992), s.v. “Christian.”) Thus two characteristics identify Christians: (1) they profess belief in a Savior, and (2) they act in harmony with the Savior’s teachings."

One of the best verses in scripture that I think exemplifies why we preach of Christ to praise him is found in 2 Nephi 25:26: "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." As Christians, we want to live according to this scripture!

6. Make mention that His name is exalted
In the scriptural Topical Guide, synonyms for "exalt" are "magnify" or "praise." We are asked to praise God's name, as if we were praising royalty! God is our king and we should respect him as such.

As I have studied this topic, it has changed the way I perceive God. He is not just my Father, He is a King. He is above all, as illustrated in Psalm 57:11: "Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth."

Nehemiah 9:5 instructs us to "stand up and bless the Lord your God for ever and ever: and blessed be thy glorious name, which is exalted above all blessing and praise." Verse 6, referring to the Lord, says "Thou, even thou, art Lord alone; thou hast made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth, and all things that are therein, the seas, and all that is therein, and thou preservest them all; and the host of heaven worshippeth thee." These scriptures continue on to praise God for all the miracles He has performed and all the reasons He should be praised, but I love in this last verse how it talks about worship.

As Saints of God, we are given opportunities to worship Him. In October 2016 Bishop Dean Davies of the LDS Church said, "Far from being an accidental, happy occurrence, worship is essential and central to our spiritual life. It is something we should yearn for, seek out, and strive to experience."

HOW do we worship? We approach God with reverent love, humility, and adoration. We acknowledge and accept Him. We respect and revere him. We submit ourselves to Him. We pray, cherish his word, rejoice in his grace, and commit to follow Him. We have a sense of majestic awe and profound thanksgiving. There are opportunities to worship every day, especially Sunday when we can attend church, listen to inspired teachings, and gather in gratitude with others in our community.

WHY do we worship? We become more sincere and earnest disciples. We become more understanding, caring, forgiving and loving. It gives us a determination to walk the path of discipleship.

I believe that when we worship God, we are honoring His name as an exalted name.

Jesus Christ is our Savior. We have the opportunity to worship Him because of the incredible sacrifice He offers to us. Philippians 2:5-15 reminds us of this: "5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. 9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: 10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; 11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." 

Because of Christ's sacrifice and His exaltation, we are expected to obey Him in order to receive salvation. Verse 12 continues: "12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed . . . work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. 13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. 14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings: 15 That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world."

7. Sing unto the Lord
The footnote to 2 Nephi 22:5 leads us to Psalm 57:7-11 which says, "My heart is fixed, O God . . . I will sing and give praise. Awake up, my glory . . . I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people; I will sing unto thee among the nations." There is no shame about praising God. It must be intentional and open. There is no need to hold back praise to the One who has given us all.

I love the idea of singing praises to praise God. In my mind, this is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to praise God, because there is a special unity and spirit that comes from music. When I sing or listen to good music I feel gratitude and love for God.

When we feel the peace and joy that comes from righteous living, the Spirit fills our hearts when we sing praises unto God. 2 Nephi 8:11 says: "Therefore, the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy and holiness shall be upon their heads; and they shall obtain gladness and joy; sorrow and mourning shall flee away." The guiltless will "sing ceaseless praises with the choirs above" (Morm. 7:7).

Since early biblical times, songs have been used to express joy, praise, and worship. Music is a form of prayer. (See GS Music.) D&C 25:12 tells us, "God’s soul delights in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer."

I come from a very musical family, so beautiful music has always been very personal and dear to me. Every time my extended family gets together, we pull out our folders of good music we've gathered over the years and sing together. The harmonies blend together beautifully with each soprano, alto, tenor, and bass voice--I don't often feel the Spirit as strongly as I do when we're singing praises unto God as a family.

Singing is a way to praise God, as illustrated in D&C 136:28: "If thou art ​​​merry​, ​​​praise​ the Lord with singing, with music, with ​​​dancing​, and with a ​​​prayer​ of praise and ​​​thanksgiving​." The scriptures ask us to "sing to [God's] praise" and give thanks to Him (see Alma 26:8). It is one of the best ways to remember our Savior.

In the words of a favorite hymn:
We’ll sing all hail to Jesus’ name,
And praise and honor give. …
Ye Saints, partake and testify
Ye do remember him.

8. Cry and shout

This whole post has been based on six verses of scripture, so I thought it was fitting to post those here:

1 And in that day thou shalt say, O Lord, I will praise thee: though thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedst me.

2 Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.

3 Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation.

4 And in that day shall ye say, Praise the Lord, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted.

5 Sing unto the Lord; for he hath done excellent things: this is known in all the earth.

6 Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion: for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee.

We have every reason to "cry and shout" for joy because of our Lord and Savior! He is in the very details of our lives!

D&C 128:23 beautifually states, "Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King! And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness. Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy! And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for joy! And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever! And again I say, how glorious is the voice we hear from heaven, proclaiming in our ears, glory, and salvation, and honor, and immortality, and eternal life; kingdoms, principalities, and powers!"


To summarize, these are some of the ways we can praise God:
- Trusting in Him
- Keeping His commandments
- Committing our lives to Him
- Praying to Him
- Sharing His gospel with others
- Serving others
- Worshiping Him
- Singing praises
- Expressing our love and gratitude for Him!

Jacob 3:1-2 - What does it mean to have a "firm" mind?

As I read these scriptures the words "firmness of mind" stuck out to me:

1 But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.

2 O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever.

But what does it really mean to have a "firm mind"? In these scriptures, this phrase is associated with actions like "praying unto God with exceeding faith," "receiving the pleasing word of God," and "feasting upon His love." It means putting our trust in God continually (see Alma 57:27). Firmness of mind is linked to opening our minds and hearts to God's will, and accepting His plan for us willingly.

In a commentary on the Book of Mormon, it says that "to look to God with 'firmness of mind' is to be constant and undeterred in one’s progress toward that life which is like God’s; it is to have undimmed vision of the plans and purposes of the Almighty; to enjoy peace and confidence in the Master as the tempests rage on all sides. To look to God with firmness of mind is to be, as Nephi said, steadfast in Christ (see 2 Nephi 31:19-20)—to pursue an undeviating course" (Millet & McConkie, Doctrinal Commentary on BOM, Vol 2, p. 24).


So in order to have a firm mind, we must have unwavering faith in God, and be committed to Him. We can know He will always work things out as we live by faith.

However, this is not something that always comes easy. I used to think it was really easy to have faith, but as I have grown older I have often gotten stuck by pride or fear or simply not wanting to choose God's way. I believe a firm mind is something we must work for every single day. As we are consistent in our efforts to pray, study God's word, and especially apply what we're learning, we'll learn to trust God more and more. Our minds will become more firm and more steadfast. I wish I could say I have always done what God wants me to do, but sometimes I slip. Sometimes I mess up. But the beautiful thing about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that I can pick right back up and start over again. God is patient and loving, and He will help us trust Him if we so desire.

Genesis 2:24 - How can a husband and wife "cleave" unto each other?

Genesis 2:24 tells us, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." What does it mean to "cleave"? I always like to start with definitions, and these were the best definitions I found: "to stick fast to," "to adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)," or "to become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached to (someone)." These definitions, I believe, help us to understand what it looks like to "cleave" unto a spouse.

Being recently married, I have thought a lot about what it means to "cleave" unto my husband. To "cleave" to him would mean to "adhere strongly" to our marriage, and to "become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached" to him. I want our marriage to the best best it can be, even when we have disagreements or miscommunications. Up to this point I have been able to feel close to my husband even when he's away for work, and I attribute that closeness to certain principles we have followed.

I found many discussions on the topic of "cleaving," so I will share the principles I found that I believe are some of the most important in creating a strong marriage. I will also share some of my personal insights and experiences in hopes that they might give a useful perspective.


In an Ensign article titled "The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood," President Spencer W. Kimball commented on Genesis 2:24:

"The woman occupies the first place [for her husband]. She is preeminent, even above the parents who are so dear to all of us. Even the children must take their proper but significant place.

"I have seen some women who give their children that spot, that preeminence, in their affection and crowd out the father. That is a serious mistake."

An article written by a BYU professor, James Harper, relates this Old Testament passage to our day:

"It is all too common in modern times for husbands and wives to place various people or activities--work, recreation, extended family, even Church service--above their marital bond. This is not necessarily a conscious decision. However, the covenant made by Adam and Eve to leave parents and be one teaches us that successful couples will be careful to place each other first. The greatest gift parents can give children is a united and loving marital bond."

I find it interesting that Bro. Harper includes parents in this topic. Although we cannot control how our parents handle our personal relationships, we can apply this principle to ourselves by giving our own children the freedom to prioritize their relationship with their husband or wife.

The article goes on to say, "Marriage is not just a social contract between man and woman; it involves God as well. God is a witness to all marriage agreements and insists that couples should be devoted and completely faithful to each other." I have always loved the image of a triangle, with the husband and wife on each bottom corner, and God at the top. As the man and woman individually come closer to God, they naturally come closer to each other.

A general conference report given by Spencer W. Kimball as one of the twelve apostles also illustrates the idea of placing the spouse over all else. He refers to D&C 42:22 which reads, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all they heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." He says, "There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts, and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. . . . When the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: 'Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shall cleave unto him and none else.' The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse. We sometimes find women who absorb and hover over the children at the expense of the husband, sometimes even estranging them from him. The Lord says to them: '. . . Thou shalt cleave unto him and none else.'

"Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or she gives self totally to the spouse: all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor, and affection with all dignity. Any divergence is sin—any sharing the heart is transgression. As we should have "an eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 4:5; D&C 82:19) so should we have an eye, an ear, a heart single to the marriage and the spouse and family."


Matthew Richardson, a leader in the LDS Church, wrote an article about "leaving, cleaving, and becoming one." He illustrates that "cleaving" means to save our treasured feelings for our spouse rather than sharing them with others.

To become one, "differences in communication patterns, reasoning, emotions, and even personal preferences may actually benefit a couple." I have seen this over and over again in my own marriage. Because I am often an emotional thinker, it is so helpful to have a husband who is more logical and can make decisions unemotionally. We both have very different interests--I love music, writing, and administrative work, and he loves guns, trucks, and manual labor. He is a great salesman and has a business-mindset, and I have neither of those skills. I tell him that I don't know how I ever lived without him because I lack all the skills and knowledge he has, and vice versa. We balance each other perfectly, but only when we accept our differences rather than fighting against them.

Another principle that Bro. Richardson teaches is to eliminate the "I" and "my" and replace those with "we" and "our." In our congregation, my husband and I used to teach Sunday School to 7 and 8-year-old children. After one of our lessons my husband asked me, "When you testify, will you use the word we instead of I? I think it is super important that the testimony comes from both of us, because that is so much more powerful, and it makes us more unified." I loved this idea and was grateful that he so respectfully recognized something we could improve. I have remembered this since and make efforts to use "we" language rather than "I" language.


Elder Carl B. Cook, another leader in the LDS Church, discussed ways we can cleave unto each other and unto God. He says that a husband and a wife who cleave unto each other are "the same" or equal. In the scriptures, we read about Adam and Eve and how they always worked together: "Adam began to till the earth . . . and Eve, also, his wife, did labor with him" (Moses 5:1).

Couples can work together by "[giving] highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities" (Handbook 2 Administering the Church 2010, 1.4.1). Bro. Cook says that "we must set aside, and turn away from things that distract us from our marriages and our families. We must simplify our lives, and give highest priority to basic worship activities in our homes. . . . We must spend time with those we love."

Bro. Cook says that "cleaving to each other requires faith, diligence, and persistence." I have known couples who have told me that sometimes they just "stop trying." "It's too much work," or "Sometime's it's just too tiring to do all those little things to keep our marriage strong." I have a firm testimony that by consistently doing the simple tasks that prophets have taught will keep our relationships strong, we will always feel close and connected and our love for each other will deepen. My goal is to avoid the alternative: simply not trying.

In James Harper's article referenced earlier in this post, Elder Marion G. Romney is cited as he discusses the phrase "and Eve ... did labor with [Adam]." He says, “The word with … is very significant. It means more than physical labor. It connotes a common purpose, understanding, cooperation, and love. . . .

"Even when circumstances justify a wife’s working away from home to support her family, she should be laboring ‘with,’ not on her own nor in conflict with her husband. . . .

"In Latter-day Saint families the husband and wife must be one." (Relief Society Magazine, Feb. 1968, pp. 85–86.)

The article concludes that "from what we know of the relationship between Adam and Eve . . . the executive council of husband and wife together is extremely important in the organization of families. Husbands and wives should counsel together in decisions related to communication and activities in the family, rearing and disciplining of children, food storage and other aspects of family welfare, finances, work and career decisions, family work responsibilities, housekeeping tasks, recreation, and all other decisions that affect their bond with each other."


Bro. Harper also addresses the importance of teaching children, and how a couple can do that in unity. "Ideally, as equals before God, deeply devoted and in love with each other, husband and wife [share] together one voice in the training of their children." Spiritual unity in a husband and wife companionship creates an environment for children to feel safe and at peace among the trials of the world.

In the Old Testament, families valued traditions and activities to maintain a strong family identity. Today, as we establish family traditions and participate in family activities, we can maintain strong ties within our immediate and extended families. As a husband and wife work to create a new family, they can work together to establish new traditions, maintain old ones, plan activities, and participate in other planned family activities. Keeping family time as a priority I believe helps to build a stronger connection between a husband and wife.

My husband and I both come from very large families. As a result, we are constantly being invited to birthday parties, dinners, baptisms, church events, holiday activities, and more. We have really strived to maintain balance in the amount of time we spend with each of our families. My husband is really good at knowing when enough is enough, and when we need to spend one-on-one time with each other. When we are able, we give time to each other's families in order to show our love and our commitment to family.


I love Bro. Harper's conclusion: ". . . Examples from the Old Testament help remind us of the importance of the family in Heavenly Father’s eternal plan. The experience of this earth’s first family teaches that marriage is not a social convention but is God-ordained as an eternal partnership. The example of religious and character development in ancient Hebrew families reminds modern parents of the necessity of training children in spiritual areas. The importance the Old Testament places on the extended family and its traditions guides us to seek modern family traditions that link the generations together. Such principles, taught in the Old Testament, can help families in our day forge loving, nurturing bonds to sustain them throughout eternity."


I know that working diligently to "cleave" unto a spouse is one of the most important things we can do in this life. Trials will come, we will make mistakes, we will be required to forgive, but ultimately it is up to us as a couple to work together in love and unity. If we do this, God guarantees that we will have a happy life. As Elder L. Whitney Clayton said, “The promises of the Lord . . . come as the delightful, predictable consequences of faithfully living the gospel of Jesus Christ” (L. Whitney Clayton, “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” Ensign, May 2013).